Quotes from Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
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Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Rodney Dangerfield: Humor
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
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